


Relationships are Weird

by websthetics



Category: Lovely Little Losers, Nothing Much to Do
Genre: Multi, Polyamory, Queer Themes, So much kissing, Swearing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-01-18
Updated: 2015-01-22
Packaged: 2018-03-08 03:32:17
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 2,272
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3193670
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/websthetics/pseuds/websthetics
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"Balth and Pedro share a warm gaze; Ben thinks that he cannot stand this any longer. How can it be that he loves his girlfriend, but also loves his best friend, but also loves his best friend's partner? How did it end up that he is in love with every person he lives with? Why is it that he is in love with all of these people and he’s only allowed to kiss one? Love is the objective worst."</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. The First Rule

**Author's Note:**

> Yeah I still have other incomplete fics but let’s all just accept that I cannot finish anything to save my life. Well, maybe to save my life but otherwise not. If we’re lucky I’ll finish this one. Probably not though.

Benedick comes up with so many ridiculous ideas. For example, when he and Bea had finished their gap year of travelling and they were deciding where to live upon their return, he suggested renting a flat with Pedro and Balthazar.

“There is no way I’m living with Pedro,” she said.

“Come on, Bea you’ve forgiven him, you’re friends with him,” Ben cajoled.

“Maybe but that doesn’t mean I want to live with him. You should know I’m the champion of holding grudges.”

“Hmmm, that is true,” Ben said, rubbing his chin.

“Aha yes! I win again!”

“I would still like to live with them, hear me out...”

Beatrice still claims she’s unsure how he managed to convince her to live with Pedro and Balth, but she has to admit, she likes living with them. They each have separate rooms, because sometimes people just need alone time… or a place to keep all of their musical instruments; *cough* Balthazar. Which is how she finds herself one day curled up on the couch in their living area with Ben when he says,

“Y’know I was just talking with Pedro the other day…”

“Oh god, what scheme have you come up with now.”

“Uh, we were just talking like mates do… about how I find him and Balthazar attractive. And he finds me and you attractive.”

Bea laughed and joked, “I’m pretty sure mates don’t talk about how they find each other and each other’s partners attractive. I’m pretty sure that’s just gay*.”

“Excuse you, I’ll have you know I am pan not gay!” Ben replies with pretend indignance.

“How would I know what it’s like to be attracted to every person? I’m so aromantic.”

“You’re romantic towards me.”

Bea begrudgingly admits, “You’re the exception.”

“I’m the exception!” Ben celebrates, like he always does when Bea admits her affection.

“Fight me!” Bea retaliates. And they play fight for a while until it inevitably turns into making out.

Then Balthazar enters the flat and tells them off, “Hey, not in the public spaces! Follow flat rules.” And they head to Ben’s room.

“Oh wait, Bea,” Balth stops them again. “I was wondering if I could borrow your red dress, I want to look good for my date with Pedro tonight.

“Which dress?” Bea asked. “The one with the black bow?”

“Yup.” Balth responded.

“Yeah, go ahead. You can have it, because I never wear it.”

“Oh, thanks so much Bea!” And the couple disappears into the bedroom.

\---

*Bea and Ben have previously established that they are okay with calling each other gay and of course they know each other’s orientations. They’re just joking around. Also, exposition.


	2. A Strange Conversation

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The famed conversation between Ben and Pedro. Jumps back in time. Pedro’s point of view.

Sometimes you’ve just gotta get drunk* with your best friend. But sometimes when you’re wasted you get really insecure and remember every bad thing you’ve ever done. You ask him, “Ben, sometimes I wonder why Balth is even dating me. Like e is this wonderful fairy of music and everything lovely and e has the nicest ears, and I’m like this gargoyle of messing shit up.”

“Aw come on man, you’re really great too, you’re like the gargoyle of being cute and overly apologetic.”

“Okay, no, okay, listen to the shitty thing I did. We were having coffee and the barista commented that we make such cute boyfriends. And I should’ve said something!”

“Did Balth say anything about it?”

“Well, e responded to the barista, ‘He’s a cute boyfriend, but I’m non binary.’”

“What’s the problem then?”

“I should’ve been the one to say something! E has to stand up for emself all the time I should’ve done it. I usually do.”

“Dude, I don’t think Balth is going to care that you didn’t act as eir knight in shining armor one time.”

“Okay, okay, but like, e has such a cute face. Ohmygosh I just want to kiss eir outrageously cute face. I’m going to call em right now.”

“Pedro no!” You tussle with Ben for the phone in your hands. You must be more drunk than he is because you kinda collapse on the floor. He holds the phone triumphantly.

“Gimmie phone.” You say weakly.

“Friends don’t let friends drunk call their partner.”

“But if I don’t talk to em how will I know if e also wants to kiss my face.” You didn’t realize your voice could reach that whiney a pitch, but in your drunken state you are unconcerned.

“Dude, e is dating you. I’m pretty sure e wants to kiss your face.”

“Do I even have a kissable face! Do I Ben! Do I!” You’re kind of yelling now, but you don’t even realize. It’s not as a pressing matter as the kissablity of your face.

“Bro! You have the most kissable face. I would kiss your face.”

If your face was already red from the alcohol, it is even redder now. You sit up from your supine position on the floor. You try to deflect thoughts of before you were out as bi, when you felt those feeling for Ben. It’s just, “Dude, dude, that’s not okay. You have a girlfriend. I have a Balthazar.”

Ben plops down next to you on the floor so you’re sitting side by side against the wall. “I know man, it’s just so weird but sometimes I see you and Balth curled up on the couch and I wanna cuddle up with you.”

“Bro, honestly, I would like that.” You break down and tell him. “Remember when we first met?”

“How could I forget! Sworn brothers for life!”

You try to high five and miss. “Ah wait, nah, let’s try that again.” You miss again. “Ah fuck it. Anyway! I had such a big crush on you. And then Bea came that summer and you two were all buddy-buddy and I was a little devastated ‘cause I also had a crush on her. And you saw how that ended up. God I was bi as hell and so confused about it.”

Benedick lays his head on your shoulder. “Mmm well at least things are better now. But why is everyone in the flat we live in so hot?!”

“I know, dude, like so fucking hot. I could kiss you all.”

“But you won’t?” He asks you in such a plaintive voice.

“No I won’t. Just Balth.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *could’ve used “pissed” seeing as that’s kiwi slang for drunk but it made me feel weird.  
> Also ridiculous drunk Pedro anyone? Yes? Or yes.


	3. You want them to notice the ragged ends of your summer dress

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Balthazar has a date with Pedro

Balthazar riffles through Beatrice’s closet and finds the dress e is looking for right there at the back. E absconds with it to eir own room. Well technically not absconds as he did get permission from Bea. Damnit! Misgendered myself in my own internal monologue again. Because yes I have to think about myself in third person in order to get used to my own pronouns. And constantly correcting myself if I see someone I don’t know and gender them. Ugh destroying internalized cissexism is a constant struggle.

But does misgendering myself in that way subconsciously mean I’m still a boy? Ugh we’ve been over this before! I am trans. I might identify with being a boy, but I’m not a boy, which makes me a postboy. I am literally going to wear this dress. (Yes, eir traitorous mental voice whispers, but presentation does not equal identity.) Oh my god! Shut up. I’m going to go angry listen to Transgender Dysphoria Blues while shaving my legs so they’re as smooth as baby dolphins. And I don’t have to wear breast forms or makeup or anything to pass as something I’m not or fill some standards of what dmab trans people should be. Just nope.

E shaves and dresses, and spends a little too long admiring emself in a dress. Then e heads off to the place where e usually meets Pedro. It’s the halfway point between their flat and his uni. Pedro stares a little too much when he catches sight of em. He tells Balth, “You look gorgeous.”

E twirls, giggle, and say, “Thanks.” Pedro steals a kiss.

“Are you up for sushi?” Pedro asks as the two begin walking.

“Sounds great!” Balth replies. “How was your day?”

“Spent a lot of time in library.”

“Actually doing work or just looking at cat videos?”

“It wasn’t only cat videos!” Pedro cries indignantly.

“Mmmm…” e makes a doubtful noise. “Did you at least start that history thing?”

“Oooh I forgot about that, thanks for reminding me. How was your day?”

“Music and more music. My life.”

“Yeah.” They enter into an easy quiet, holding hands. Balth starts humming absentmindedly.

Pedro asks, “Is that Against Me!, are you okay?”

Balth replies, “Yeah, I’m fine. Just had a little fight with the monster that is internalized cissexism.”

“If you’re sure you’re okay,” Pedro says so sweetly.

“Yeah I really am. Laura Jane Grace is such a babe.”

“Tell me about it,” Pedro laughs. They arrive at the restaurant and chow down on their sushi. The succulent fish are so pretty; glow like jewels against the bed of rice.

Upon exiting the establishment, Balth presses a kiss to Pedro’s cheek. “Thanks for this,” e says quietly.

“Yeah, you know I just love spending time with you,” Pedro tells em earnestly. They begin to walk back, hand in hand. A block later later Pedro gives an odd nervous chuckle.

“What?” Balth inquires.

“Oh I was just thinking about this odd conversation I had with Ben when we were both drunk.”

“Oh?”

“Like, what if you and I went on a date with Ben and Bea?”

“Like I double date? We could do that, I guess. But, I mean, we do live with them.”

“No I meant… I meant- oh nevermind.”

“What? Really, tell me.”

“I mean- I mean, what if we were all dating.”

Balth suddenly thinks about earlier today, e walked into the apartment and Ben and Bea were making out, and e told them off, but e hadn’t felt the familiar repulsion. That had to have been a fluke, right? “Well, as you know, I’m demiace, so like, I don’t know if I would be… feeling it?”

“Yeah, but you’re alloromo right, so-”

“Okay, I’m going to stop you right there. I don’t currently know how I feel. I need some time to think about it.”

Pedro is apologetic, “Sorry for pushing you. I want you to know that my relationship with you is more important than starting additional relationships with them. And I would rather be friends with them than make things weird. I just think we could have a good thing.”

“Alright then.” There is a moment of quiet, just the passing of cars and stepping of feet. Then Balth breaks it, “I thought you were over your crushes on Ben and Bea.”

“Blame Ben. He’s the one who brought it up.”

“Hey, take responsibility for your feelings and actions.”

“Yeah, you’re right. I guess there’s just some crushes you don’t just get over.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> But accidentally-misgendering-self actually happens a lot. Internalized cissexism is a monster. The title is from Transgender Dysphoria Blues, [listen to it](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TFgFGgjNQ4E&list=PLxzqJf_WSOQzOfo0l3srgBifLXx9zvdT1), it’s great. Laura Jane Grace is a babe.


	4. Morning Sun's Glow

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> What is it about the morning sun that casts soft features upon faces, and casts warm feelings upon one's heart.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Didn't post this yesterday because yesterday was busy/weird. But this is as far as I have written so hopefully I continue.

Ben wakes up early today, earlier than Bea, anyway. She’s sleeping right next to him in bed. He will never get tired of this, her peaceful face, the light from the window illuminating her hair gold; in short, she’s beautiful. He’d never get tired of watching her, except that his stomach is complaining for breakfast.

He walks to the kitchen, and sees Balthazar standing at the stove, cooking. E’s humming and wearing a cute apron over eir pajamas, and the light from the window falls sideways across eir face and shines upon eir eyelashes, and e is beautiful too. Damnit! Is it the morning light? It isn’t, Ben knows, but his own predisposition to fall in love with everyone. Living with Balth and Pedro was possibly his worst idea yet as it seemed that he fell more in love with them daily. I have a girlfriend, he tells himself. He takes a deep breath and squashes the impulse to wrap his arms around Balth from behind and bury his head in eir shoulder.

Balthazar hears his sigh and turns to him, “Morning Ben. Want some eggs? I was just cooking some for me and Pedro.”

“That would be great, thanks,” he says as he pours himself a glass of milk.

“And Bea?” Balth cracks another egg into the pan.

“She’s still asleep.”

“Could you go get Pedro for me. He was reluctant to get out of bed.”

“Sure.” Ben walks down the hallway and slips into Pedro’s room. Then he leaps upon the bed that Pedro’s in, saying, “Get up! Your datemate is making us eggs.”

“Oh my god Ben, stop bouncing on the bed, I’ll get up,” Pedro grumbles and rolls out of bed in his boxers and a t-shirt. Ben looks pointedly away as Pedro roots in his drawers for sweatpants, determinedly not thinking about Pedro’s shapely ass. Damnit! It’s just not possible. Think of other things, like birds.

“Flamingos have great butts,” Ben mutters to himself.

“What did you say Ben?” Pedro laughs.

“Nothing. Just that we’re off to eat eggs, which come from chicken’s butts.”

“Ben, that’s gross!” Pedro calls as Ben scampers back to the kitchen. Pedro follows him. They grab plates and Balth distributes eggs and toast and they all sit down to eat.

Balth and Pedro share a warm gaze; Ben thinks that he cannot stand this any longer. How can it be that he loves his girlfriend, but also loves his best friend, but also loves his best friend’s partner? How did it end up that he is in love with every person he lives with? Why is it that he is in love with all of these people and he’s only allowed to kiss one? Love is the objective worst.

Ben knows he has to do something about this.


End file.
